oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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