you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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