Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
