whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
