He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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