i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
