MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
