Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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