I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
