You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
