blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
