at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
