It's Friday. Sex?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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