On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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