You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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