Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
