I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
