im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
