I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
