Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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