New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
