ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
