he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
