my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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