you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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