I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
