you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You made out with two different species that night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
