let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
