M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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