My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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