Your tits are I can't wait for
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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