ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
