we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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