why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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