It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
