I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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