you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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