tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
