At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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