I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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