my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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