just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
