Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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