I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
