DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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