Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
