How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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