So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
