i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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