so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
