if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
