Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
