I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
